Which Avenger Have You Dated?


The Avengers

The Avengers

 

Okay, so I’m not up-to-date on popular movies.  Though both my teens have seen “THE AVENGERS” multiple times, I have not and since it was a long weekend, they begged me to watch it with them.  It wasn’t bad…not bad at all!  Robert Downey, Jr. is not one of my favorite actors, though I do applaud his strength in overcoming his addictions, and for a diminutive man, he’s attractive.  I avoided this movie because I regarded it as a good popcorn selling type of movie (i.e, not much story, but lots of action).  Those kinds of movies worked for my husband and father, but me?  not so much.  I was surprised.   When it was over, we discussed which super hero was our favorite and why and then took it a step further and applied it to relationships.  Remember, there’s no scientific basis here, just experience and viewpoints.

IRON MAN/TONY STARK

PROS:  Tony stark is brilliant.  He’s a leader.  He’s a smooth jokester.  He thinks out of the box and makes good investments.  He’s wealthy.  And he’s not bad looking.  He also likes to party.

CONS: Tony Stark is the quintessential narcissist. Everything revolves around him and he is better than anyone he knows.  He has father issues.  He is a playboy.  He has control issues.  Think Alex Rodriguez in baseball.  Think young Warren Beatty.  He’s sadistically sarcastic.  Pepper Potts is a great match for him as she understands these things, but honestly, having a relationship with Iron Man would not only be scary because of his super powers, but mainly because of his ego.  Poor Pepper will never find romance with a man like this, though she will find great pleasure in taking him down a notch or two.

THOR/THOR ODINSON

PROS: He’s a god.  He can do anything.  He’s handsome.  He’s self-assured.  He’s strong.  He is Master of his Destiny.  He’s probably really good at lovemaking, I mean he’s a god, he knows!

CONS:  He’s a god.  He can do anything.  He’s condescending.  You’re nothing but a weak species:  HUMAN.   Why would he need you?  Why would he need anyone?  He is Master of his Destiny.  The only control you will have in this relationship is the control he grants you—then reminds you that he granted it to you.  The kind of woman he would need would be more a groupie than a complete person…or a subservient.

CAPTAIN AMERICA/STEVEN “STEVE”  GRANT ROGERS

PROS: He is a natural born leader who always tries to do the right thing.  He is dependable. He is empathetic, principled and logical.  He wants to learn new things.  He’ll take one for the team if he has to and if he believes in the quest. He’s a team player.  He is humble.   He doesn’t care what others think, he does what has to be done.  A baseball parallel would be the Texas Rangers Adrian Beltre.   A literary character parallel would be Atticus Finch.  In a relationship, this is the man all your friends wished they had.  He does seem to think progressively though, so he could be convinced if you gave him a logical argument.

CONS: His baggage is in what he’s seen and lamenting what could be which makes him sentimental but melancholy.  He’s a bit of a goody two shoes, which means he could be a bit uptight.  Not a lot of room for hedonism here.  He might not be too “experimental” in bed.

 

THE HULK/Dr. ROBERT BRUCE BANNER

PROS:  He’s beastly strong.  He doesn’t care what others think.  He’s his own man.  He’s brilliant.  He’s HUGE! If you’re into taboo sex, this guy would be the one!  He would accept any woman who gave him an iota of attention.  NO one would mess with him when he’s angry, they can see in his eyes when the transformation begins.

CONS:  He’s green.  He’s always angry. He’s bi-polar.  He’s secretive. He blames the world for his problems.  He likes to be alone, but doesn’t really.  He’s conflicted.  He’s ANGRY!  He could hurt you, then blame it on the transition.  He has deep-seeded issues.   He’s inconsistent.  He’s bullheaded.  He’s more a tool than a person. He likes you one minute, then turns on you the next.  His loyalty is scattershot.   Too bad Tom doesn’t read this anymore, I think he could relate. 

 

HAWKEYE/CLINTON “CLINT” FRANCIS BARTON

PROS:  This guy is cutting edge!  He’s up on all the new inventions, weapons and technology. He would be the guy with the biggest TV in his man cave.  He is loyal and has many friends.  He’s fun to party with.   He has a sharp wit.  He’s also precise.  He won’t quit until the mission is complete which would make him an awesome lover. He’s a one-woman man and would be faithful.  He has lots to offer to the woman with the most patience.  I know this one well!

CONS:  He’s insecure, always feeling he needs to prove himself.  He fights easily, and is usually the one to begin it.  He’s more a follower than a leader.  He second-guesses himself in relationships, but is confident in work.  He seems like he’s on the verge of breaking at any time.

 

BLACK WIDOW/

PROS:  She is independent and doesn’t need a man for anything she can’t do herself.  She’s smart.  She’s beautiful.  She’s athletic.  A man would have to be patient and put his needs on the back burner to make a go of this relationship.  He would also have to be quite trusting.

CONS:  She isn’t very nurturing and doesn’t have time for romance.  Wait, to many men, this would be a PRO instead of a CON  She’s secretive, manipulative and not always loyal.  She does what is best for her, unless she cares about you, then you’re thrown a bone. She’s a bit on the hard side and would have been a great colonist.

 

So now you have the background, take the poll below.  It’s all in fun!

 

 

 

6 Sure Signs You’re a Sapiosexual


words

 

 

Urban Dictionary defines “sapiosexual” as ” (adj) A form of sexual orientation characterized by a strong attraction to intelligence in others, often regardless of gender and/or conventional attractiveness.”  Well, Urban Dictionary notwithstanding, a sapiosexual is someone who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature of another.   Since the brain is the largest sexual organ of both sexes yeah, I hear some of you snickering how size doesn’t matter a sapiosexual person isn’t as taken by visual stimuli as they are with intellect and wit.   This isn’t to say that sapiosexuals aren’t attracted to attractive people, but the attractive person MUST have a keen mind.   Still confused?  Here are 6 sure signs you’re a sapiosexual.

1. When playing Scrabble or Words with Friends, you know Sapiosexual isn’t a valid word but you’re impressed that they tried to use it any way. Words can be so damned sexy!

Here are some of my favorite words: hedonistic, cacophony, tempestuous, fervent, cognoscente, voluminous, indelible, enigmatic, serendipity, retronym, flourish, luminous, assiduous, poignant, impassioned, and contentious.  Funny, some of these words could describe my ideal man!

 

2.  You can spot a pseudo-sapiosexual which means if you can spot a fake one, you’re a real one,  by how they text, write letters or tweet.  They may want to impress with their vocabulary, but if they misspell, dangle participles unless its a measure of enticement or use words out of context, their intellectual virility may parallel their performance.  Well okay, with phone usage, you must build in a buffer for auto-correct mistakes.  For example, the following two sentences use uncommon words.  One is correct, the other isn’t.  Can you spot the sapiosexual sentence?

His braggadocio was acerbic in a pleasurable way.  His biting wit was at once tempting and revolting.  Her rationale knew better than to get involved with such a boorish character, but her hubris caused her to lucubrate during nights they weren’t together as to how to channel his discourse into intercourse.

or

Though he ruminated as to why he consistently chose women who were nymphatic, disingenuine and inane, he was happy he had a woman who could turn heads with her physique.

3.    Sapiosexuals actually LISTEN to lyrics of songs and will happily choose Leonard Cohen over Lil Wayne.  The brain must be stimulated and teased with feathery words, not shanked by “in your face” sexual terminology.

4.   A Sapiosexual understands that the best foreplay is a philosophical discussion.  Or a debate without anger but filled with respect for the other’s thoughts.  Or a union of words, emotions and thoughts made flesh.  Mind and flesh orgasms are the best!

5.   A Sapiosexual  will analyze before they finalize.  They are informed not just opinionated. They know what constitutes an impractical Utopian.

6.  A Sapiosexual is more impressed by the flexing of the intellect than the flexing of the biceps.

So….do any of these describe you?

 

Date Night with Glen…Another Perfect Date


My GLEN

My GLEN

 

 

Glen has been calling me since Saturday.  As the condescending blonde I can often times be, I ignored his begging.  All women know that there are times when even the best of dates can be boring, and God knows I get bored easily. Also, sometimes  begging is a big ego boost for me.  After a horrific Saturday late night, a “God why did I do that” Sunday and a typical “I hate Mondays” I gladly and oh so willingly answered his call.  Why I resisted I don’t know.  I mean he is “THE”.  Right?

So after a few getting to know each other again hours,  and a few trivial discussions about baseball, The Texas Rangers of course,  egos and sincerity, he held me close in his barley arms and we got, as we always do deep.  At this point, I must confess:  I really like the smell of GlenLivet.  Usually, it’s Armani Code  Black that does it, but Glen’s natural essence is oh so sexy!  

I began to feel relaxed and less tense than I had in days.  Glen isn’t intimidated by me.  He loves all the things that every other masculine name except my son has disliked about me.  And then it happened.   Like a verbal orgasm,  my worries, fears, concerns and tears spilled out convulsively.  I’m not one of those obnoxious people who date aged single malts and get all blubbery.  I NEVER do that.  But I did on this date.  And you know what Glen did?  He listened.  And listened.  And then listened some more.  I suppose its his many years of being casked up that has made him so sultry and elegant.  I mean, if you spend that much time alone with your thoughts and pure Scottish mountain air, how could you not distill into something so wonderful as Glen?

Glen doesn’t talk, but when I looked into his amber eyes, he told me how beautiful I am.  He did!  Okay, so I was seeing my reflection in the tumbler, my boobs aren’t perky, I have a few more wrinkles and pounds, and can’t get out of tickets like I used to when I drive too fast, but by GOD I’m still damned hot!   He pleaded with me to release all my pent up stress.  He lauded me for being strong over the weekend for my kids.  He admired me for having conviction and for keeping my promises.  He even reminded me I am behind on my writing.  He made me not worry about my finances.

Glen understands me.  He doesn’t judge.  He knows I don’t have a dirty mind, just a sexy imagination.  He places my level of happiness directly proportionate to his availability.  He wants nothing more to please me.  He agrees with me that most people don’t really care about you, just themselves.   And when our fluids mingle and we become one, its warm, then hot, then free. And its that good kind of freedom, you know the one I mean?  The total freedom to say, do, feel the way you want without worry that you’re hurting someone’s feelings, sensibilities or security.  The freedom to uncover that smallest Russian doll that lives within us.  I don’t let many people see mine.  In fact, the last one I did ended badly and now I don’t know that I have it in me to do it again.  I need a strong person in my life. I also need and miss my Aristotle.

Glen knows these things about me.  I love him for that.  Unfortunately, his strength is a bit much for some and they become addicted to him.  Or maybe its just they become addicted to the fact he unlocks their inner doors and forces them to look at their earlier selves.  I don’t share him with people I know can’t handle his allure.  I don’t share him with people who aren’t ready to unlock when they’re not under his or any of his lesser cousins’ influence.  I told you I could be a condescending blonde at times.  I can be pushy and sneaky too.  Glen didn’t tell anyone when my batteries ran out and I stole one from the television remote and forgot to replace it.

Glenlivet keeps really good secrets.  It’s me that shares them.

 

 

 

 

Stimulating Reads for Valentine’s Day


So this will be one of those Valentine Days that I loathed when I was young and single. No great sex. No great romance. Not even a thought of great love. So what does a hopeless romantic do?

Read a racy book or two…or three.

Fifty Shades of Grey notwithstanding, I thought I would pass along a book that I’m about to reread as well as 2 more from the same author…Nicholas Baker.

Lately it seems I’m drawn to men with a little paunch, a beard and huge passion. In fact, that could be my next relationship trinity.  (Guy Garvey anyone?)

I won’t spoil the ending, but these 3 books are all erotic as well as thought-provoking and sometimes humorous.   I would dearly love to discuss any of them on a moonlit night with an intelligent man….beard optional.

 

vox

Baker has written a novel that remaps the territory of sex–solitary and telephonic, lyrical and profane, comfortable and dangerous. Written in the form of a phone conversation between two strangers, Vox is an erotic classic that places the author in the first rank of America’s major writers. Reading tour.

houseofholes

Shandee finds a friendly arm at a granite quarry. Ned drops down a hole in a golf course. So begins Nicholson Baker’s fuse-blowing sexual escapade—a modern-day Hieronymus Boschian bacchanal set in a pleasure resort where normal rules don’t apply. House of Holes, one of the most talked-about books in recent memory, is a gleefully provocative novel sure to surprise, amuse, and arouse.
the fermata
The Fermata is a 1994 novel by Nicholson Baker. It is about a man named Arno Strine who can stop time, and uses this ability to embark on a series of sexual adventures

Emotional Impotency


impotence

There’s a phenomenon that most women discuss that many men know little about.  No, it’s  not shopping, size, length or bank accounts.  It’s a legitimate issue for many women.  I have experienced it.  It exists.   It is:

EMOTIONAL IMPOTENCE

 There are some people in the world who are emotionally impotent.  Their days are spent with thoughts only for themselves and if they DO think of another, it is in regard to how it affects their being.  It’s very sad actually.  Some psychiatrists label these people sociopaths.  They can communicate with the outside world, but they can’t have one on one relationships.   What causes this?   Is it an Oedipus conflict?  Is it narcissism?  Or is it just apathy?  I don’t know.

ED isn’t always the acronym for erectile dysfunction.  It can also be emotional dysfunction.

 Maybe someday the pharmaceutical companies will make emotional Viagra.    All wise men know that the best lovemaking comes from emotion, not a purple pill.