My daughter’s boyfriend called her two days before school was out and broke up with her. I was so excited, because I really don’t like him! She is handling it semi-well. For the last two days of school when she was around him, she would smile, talk to him nicely and act carefree. Her friends were in awe of her strength, I mean, they had been dating since before Thanksgiving! And we all know that in teenaged minds, that’s an eternity! But at home she was morose and tearful. She second-guessed herself. She worried that she had done something wrong. She just KNEW she would never have another boyfriend like him. I told her to remember all the things she didn’t like about him and write them down because sometimes when we read things after experiencing them, it eases the pain and gives us insight into ourselves. I even helped her when she forgot many of the things he did that upset her easy for me, each time he upset her during their relationship, I wanted to butt-kick him to the next county! So here’s what she wrote:
- He’s too emotionally detached.
- He doesn’t celebrate holidays, not even Christmas.
- He’s a big flirt.
- He’s too short.
- He has a bad relationship with his parents.
- He’s secretive.
- We never hang out except at school.
- He’s only been to my house twice.
- He’s a former drug user.
- He’s been to bed with former girlfriends……
- He didn’t take me to the dance.
- He’s always trying to get me to go to bed with him.
- He’s more interested in kissing and touching me than in talking and spending time together.
- He goes to concerts with his guy friends, but never asks me.
- He can’t drive, no driver’s license and doesn’t want one.
- He’s stingy.
Yeah, I didn’t even know some of these things….check the former italicized sentence. I would now butt AND face kick him to New York!
So I explained to my lovely daughter that sometimes, we have preconceived notions of what is right for us and what isn’t. Sometimes, we believe we can change a guy or that he will change for us. Sometimes, we just overlook the bad because he gives us what we need at the time. Sometimes, we just like being told we’re beautiful.
Most of the time we make excuses for him. Most of the time we can be patient with behavior we don’t condone. Most of the time we forget that we don’t have as many friends as we once had because we have him, though now we have his friends.
Every time he upsets us, a bit of the love dies because he does it again. Every time.
But sometimes isn’t good. Most of the time is better. Every time is important in several situations…..every time is important because we can truly analyze character, respect and feeling. If the every times are negative, then he needs to go and you are wasting your goodness on someone who doesn’t want it. The key is to realize that you will have relationships with many people, and by using the sometimes, most of the time and every time equation, you can get a better grip on your mind when your emotion is carrying you away.