When The Honeymoon is Over…An Inner Debate


Ah…that phase that we all love and yearn for–the Honeymoon. You know what I’m talking about. That time in the relationship when you can’t wait to hear from him or her. He sends you love letters for no reason. She calls and tells you how wonderful you are and how she can’t live without you. You actually are “excited” that he/she is in your life. Have you ever wondered why it’s called a “honeymoon”? One explanation:

One piece of folklore relates that the origin of the word moon comes from a cynical inference. To the Northern Europeans the terms referred to the body’s monthly cycle and, its combination with honey, suggested that not all moon’s of married life were as sweet as the first. British prose writers and poets, in the 16th and 17th centuries, often made use of the Nordic interpretation of honeymoon as a waxing and waning of marital affection.
And, in Nordic tradition, honey mead was drunk each day of the new relationship to keep things sweet.

But what happens when the honey mead is gone?

Real life sets in. The ups and downs of work, family, tragedy and just plain moodiness rear their oh so ugly heads.  You lose your job.  You lose your financial independence.  You’re forced to live a life you weren’t planning to live.  These are the true tests of real love.

Why do so many fail the test?
Self absorption? Trouble communicating? Trust?  The need for daily sex?  The belief the honeymoon phase should be everlasting? All understandable, all viable reasons, some a bit unrealistic.

I think the reason for failure is that if you don’t truly know yourself you can never really know another. If the way you both view the world is totally different it’s hard to build a bridge of communication and trust.  You can love someone but not be able to live with them. Just look at your familial relationships if you don’t believe me!  How long could you live with your parents as an adult without wanting to commit Hari-Kari?  Love takes faith. Love takes belief. Love in a monogamous relationship is work. And if you have a distaste for being employed and working, you’re already screwed.  You have to want to sacrifice your wants/needs for your love. If your time alone is more important than your time with her, again, you’re screwed.  You have to believe she is the only one for you. If you think there are many women for many men, maybe you should be reading the Koran.  You have to know that your life won’t be the life you want to live without him. Or maybe your life is so wonderful you don’t need another in it. 

Does that mean time apart is a necessity? Does it mean that there’s no such thing as real love? Does it mean that its no coincidence that being committed can mean mental as well as marital? Okay, that was uncalled for wasn’t it?

Maybe its really not that difficult.  That’s my outlook.  I truly believe that anything worth having is worth working for.  I truly believe that true love finds a way.  I truly believe that each and every one of us has baggage, issues and hang-ups that can be dealt with lovingly.  I’m not saying any of it is easy.  But then again, I see my honey mead jar as half full.